Monday, April 26, 2010

A Bend in the Road

It's been longer than normal between posts; I've been in a bit of funk and feeling overwhelmed. I'm having a bit of a why me God moment right now. I do not normally talk about personal things, because I like to keep things private when it comes to anything health related. However, I have alluded to being diabetic and I know many of you know about my condition.

For the past several months I've been taking part in preconception counseling because ideally a diabetic should have tightly controlled blood sugar levels prior to, during pregnancy, and while breastfeeding. I've been closely monitoring, recording, and adjusting medications along with starting insulin again. All the work seemed to be paying off and last week I'd been given the go ahead from the perinatologists. aka high risk pregnancy specialists.

Then I met with my endocrinologist and found out that last months test indicated a higher level in one of the labs. What does this mean? Well for starters a "fun" five hour test that involves fifteen minute interval blood draws. Dependant on the results I may need a scan and worst case scenario, or best depending on how you look at it, I may need to have a very small tumor removed. Best case because if I have the condition being tested for the removal would mean that it might "cure" my high blood pressure. Worst because this would of course set back our baby number two plans at least three more months.

We have been ready to add to our family for about two years now, but because of various reasons outside of our control, we've had to put them on hold. Up until now I've been pretty philosophical about it, thinking of it as time to get my body in shape for a pregancy and that we're not in a rush. Plus we are already blessed to have one wonderful little girl. Now I am feeling so frustrated and having a tough time accepting a further delay. I just can't stand being in this state of unknown.

I am trying to remember that often the path you think is right for you, might not part of God's plan. Like how I really really DID NOT want to move to Santa Fe from California, but it ended up being a wonderful thing. Brad and I were able to have our first child and I was surrounded by very supportive and caring co-workers, who in many cases stepped in to provide the daily support my long distance family could not. Plus I had excellent medical and guidance through the shocking - to me anyway - diagnosis of having type II diabetes and learning how to care for myself and manage it during pregnancy and after. I am praying that God's reveals his plan soon.


17 Friends Said:

Annette W. said...

I'm not sure that I have any real words to share with you, but I thank you for sharing personally with us. It's funny how blogging works...we make friends, but they are typically still kept at a distance. I just prayed for you...your physical body, your emotions, and for your soul.

I pray that it will be well with your soul, even though all is not not well with your circumstances.
♥ Annette

Teri said...

Katie, what a hard situation. I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel. Having not been in such a position, I have no words of wisdom except to say that this too shall pass, and that you are in my thoughts. {{{hugs}}}

Tara said...

The unknown is always so scary and waiting for test results just make the days so long. God's will is always perfect and as you know, we may not understand exactly the way things are now but one day it will be revealed to us. Praying for and thinking about you and your little family.

Rebecca said...

When Mike and I wanted to get pregnant, we had to wait a couple of years because of medications i was on for Rheumatoid Arthritis. I couldnt be on those meds and get pregnant. It was so hard seeing everyone around me get pregnant and knowing there was nothing i could do. But looking back, the timing was prefect. We had awhile to focus on our marriage before kids were in the picture. So even though when i was in that waiting period and it was very hard, looking back i see God's perfect hand in control. He is always in control and we need to remember that its HIS will be done, not ours :) Just just keep praying and being patient and waiting. God will bless you with a child when He is good and ready. Sending love and hugs your way!

Christianne @ Little Page Turners said...

I'm so sorry about this set-back, Katie. I had gestational diabetes with both my girls, but I can only imagine the frustrations associated with having it full-time. I pray you'll be able to add to your family soon. Don't stress too much about a longer space between kids. My sisters are 6 and 9 years older than me and I am close with both of them.

Maridith @ Strictly Homemade said...

Hi Katie- I might not comment every time but I do keep up with you and I did notice you have not been posting as much. I so appreciate your opening to us and letting us know what is going on with you. I can understand your frustrations but as a Christian you know that you are not in control and God does have a plan for you! A good plan!! I hope that everything goes well! Prayers being sent your way!!

TheAngelForever said...

Oh Katie, I am so glad that you opened up. Sometimes getting things off your chest and having people to be there in the blogosphere can be comforting. I sent you an e-mail and want you to know that long distance hugs and prayers are coming your way.

Dee said...

I'm sorry Katie! I am glad you opened's always good to get support from other people who have gone through the same thing. I will keep you in my thoughts!

♥ Noelle ♥ said...

hi hun! i hope you get some answers really soon... and a positive pregnancy test! you know ALL the junk i went through to have another and all the health problems since. :(

hang in there and have faith ♥

Holly- Girls At Heart said...

Hi, Katie! I know the pain of longing for another child. You trust God and then... you don't! Just be honest with Him. He understands.

I'm praying for you! ♥

Nichol said...

Oh Katie, everything will work out. Gavyn and Zoe are 5 years apart. It's nice of you to share here with all of us. I'll be praying for you and your family. Fingers will be crossed you get your wishes soon.

Ticia said...

Oh Katie, how tiring and stressful to you. I've taken one of those five hour tests and they're no fun. I'll be praying that it's something simple, like maybe your numbers were off on the day you took the test.

And I understand how hard it is once you're ready to be pregnant to get that setback.

dougandcheryl said...

I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I will pray for you to be able to get to that place to be able to have your health where you want and need it and to be able to have another child.

Nicole said...

Sorry Katie! I know it's hard to have these setbacks when you are so ready to move forward. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Teena said...

Hi Katie,

I've been reading your blog for sometime and always enjoy it. I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. It took almost 5 years before my husband and I were blessed with our second daughter. But boy was it worth the wait! She's amazing :). Hang in there and know that God has a plan for all of us and he is watching over you. ((HUGS)) from someone that understands and prayers for your future.

Dan and Karen said...

I came across your blog from your comment you left on The Design Girl blog. I was delighted to hear that as an Adult Adoptee from Korea you are excited about others adopting internationally.

We are waiting for our second little girl from China and we are THRILLED to have these precious girls but always hear the "horror stories" about adult adoptees wishing they had not been adopted. You've done a great deal to put my mind at ease. Thank you.

I just read your post here and want to send you a note of encouragement and hugs! Thank you for sharing your personal struggles so others can encourage.

Blessings and hugs to you.


MaryAnne said...

Hi Katie,

I'm so sorry you've been having such a rough time! We'll keep you and your family in our prayers, and hope you get some good news soon!

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